I started with my new therapist

Therapy this was the second week with my new therapist. Covered alot of topics briefly that are topics we may work through in-depth. Its good that I also have my mental health support worker there in session with me. But neither the therapist nor my worker knows me well yet nor understands when I am overwhelmed I just shut myself off and blank myself out a bit. I go numb and feel nothing and my mind is on nothing really just distanced away and gone. When I am overwhelmed it especially is easier for me to do and does not happen as easily when my life is less simpler than it is at the moment. I will tell myself I am OK even if I feel I am not out loud just so I can hear myself and try to assure myself that I am. Its a learned behavior a learned way of coping and dealing with too much at once for me I guess by helping me not to actually have to deal with anything I just go away a bit. For the most part when I am doing well and managing life this learned way of coping does not happen but this also makes it difficult for me to use mindfulness as a coping skill since instead i just go blank.

My Negative Experiece at Hospital

Started Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Will write when anxiety is down about my experience of my we visit the crisis worker not kno having knowledge about psychiatric advanced directives nor the we staff ever hearing of them and the refusal to have this implemented. Then will write about my admission by temporary detention order and the experience of doctors miscommunicating or not following through with what they say and also doing what they wish outside their expertise without even advising me or consulting me. But for now the regimen of medications have me unable to function and yet I was atleast functioning upon entrance to the emergency department. I just had coping skills that are dangerous at times and I take them further then I can control anymore because of my ability to dissociated from that.

Updated saturday, January 26, 2013

My negative experience began at the emergency room in my town. I was searched before getting there by 2 male police officers in the company of the ems personall who drove me there. Then searched again by 2 more male security officers at the hospital even though I refused citing I had already been searched by police officers and that I had nothing. They went through my wallet, tried to make me change into a hospital gown, and held me against my will at the hospital emergency room. I went there willingly for medical treatment. I then decided not to get the medical treatment since I was being treated as if I was a detainee. I agreed to meet with mental health after they refused for me to leave and even grabbed my arm when I said I was leaving and tried to walk out of the hospital room since I was being treated as if I was there against my will. They lied to me citing I was on an ECO which they did not obtain until almost 2 hours later. I told them I had a psychiatric advanced directive and that if they were treating me for mental health then I was not getting treatment there per my PAD. They threatened me with forcfully holding me down and even chemically restraining me if I would not give them bloodwork. Throughout this experience I felt I had no say or rights to my own physical body or my own mental health. They used intimadation tactics such as there size, threats of restraint, and involuntary commitment to get what they wanted from me. I felt violated at that time and still feel violated. I feel I have no rights to my own body even with the PAD. My psychiatric advanced directive was refused acknowledgement. I was told they knew of no such thing. Both the security officers and doctors had no idea about them even making a statement they were not legal if not notorized by a notory of the public. In The Commonwealth of Virginia where I live it is not required to have a PAD notorized but only to be witnessed by 2 adults witnessing your signing of the document to make it valid and legal. The crisis evaluator from the mental health center here who evaluated me as he was the person on call did not even have an awareness of such a document. I was then sent to there psychiatric unit per temporary detention order which was against my PAD as I have in my PAD that I am not to received psychiatric care through their hospital but to receive it in one of the other hospitals within about an hour distance from my hometown due to past experiences on their psychiatric unit and a statement from their medical director that they did not feel they could properly treat me in their facility. But yet another doctor received the call about me and accepted my admission anyways. I was refused my PAD implimentation.

On their Psychiatric unit was another negative experience at points. For the most part there were some good points to it such as the most of the other patients, the groups, most of the nurses, most of the mental health techs, and some of the clinical counselors. My experience with the docoter was good in person though I felt he was careless in his choices and follow through on communication with me about my treatment. I also feel there was no follow through on a medical doctor referel that was put in on saturday and never executed. This also occured with another patient on the unit who was refered by their psychiatric doctor to see the medical doctor on the same day. We both had 2 different psychiatric physcians. He was careless in his deciding to double my Wellbutrin that I had started on a friday on Monday. I had 3 doses at 150mg and then was upped to 300mg. Very careless I believe in his decision.