Wednesday, November 21, 2012 at 6:48PM
Went to social security with Jane. Got very overwhelmed. Felt unheard. Also hearing Jane apologize to the lady for me but yet she seemed to feel it was okay for the lady to interrupt me, cut me off, and treat me like I was unimportant and had nothing she wanted to hear that I was nothing but a bother. I so just want to give up seeing her. I feel she doesn’t hear me nor does she want to hear me. I feel she’s bored and tired of me and she no longer is interested in putting any effort or energy into me, my life, or my treatment. She seems to not understand on an intellectual level and instead is too simple minded never really wanting to or trying to think outside the box when it comes to helping me. Though when it comes to manipulating the system for others to get shit they don’t really need she sure knows how to think outside the box and put a fire under her ass then for them but for me nothing gets done unless I am flipping out about it. I should not have to get to a point where its at such a dysfunction and yet if I was to the naked eye impaired or slow in a mental compacity than I wouldn’t have to as it would all be taken care of for me without a thought, an argument, or weeks of anger. I am getting tired of fighting for help. I am getting tired of just trying to get help with the smallest of things yet I cant. I am not worth anything not even to someone who is paid to help me. Instead they continue fucking me up and get paid for it. They are so destined to make people happy yet they don’t give a fuck about me at all they do what they want me to do with them yet don’t do anything to make me happy. I am sick of fighting I would rather give up fighting. I would rather let go of them and life altogether.
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