it is so amazing how much double standards run in my family and how my mother will take care of my siblings when there is drug abuse and dealing involved and save them but yet I am criticized and ridiculed and threatened when I fuck up. It is also amazing how she threatens to take my child from me who is almost an adult and is able to care for himself but children who cannot care for themselves are in the midst of this shit and she does not threaten my siblings because she knows they will keep them from her for good so instead she enables them and feeds their behavior and then rescues them.

You know it is funny that I have a worker who is doing the same thing with another of her clients and it angers me so much. She is enabling her abusive behavior and her neglect of her child. The worker makes excuses for the parents behavior and to a degree puts the blame on the child for the parents abuse and it is very angering to me. I understand now why it is so bothersome to me when I see it happening. It is angering because of my experiences with my family. it is also angering because of my jealousy of the other client of having her child and taking it for granted and not caring enough that she could not have him at anytime and how much it hurts to have that permanent void forever in my heart and mind. I also am angry at the system for not giving me the services she has and giving me the chances she gets as i would have been very satisfied and sure would not be doing the things she does daily and not think it is such a big deal. I sure would not think selfishly and put my needs and wants first as she does regularly.



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