well my son started his shit already tonight and decided he wanted to play my mother and i against eachopther. well whatever if this is what he really wants that is fine. I really do not even want to be here. I want to go home and i have not even been up here for 12 hours yet. I just want to go back to my home and be alone. I want to be by myself and he can stay here where he wants to be. As far as I am concerned he can stay here and never come back.
I have had alot of thoughts through my ride up here with my mother including thinking about her denial of the past way she treated me and how I am going to work on it and be able ot move on from it and wondering if I will ever be able to work through it and get on with my life or will i always be effected by it and never truly be able to live without some tyoe of effect from it and damage caused by the forms of abuse I went through during different periods of my life. The trauma I was subjected to in the past most definately effects my current life and relationships and definitaly effects and causes me anger regarding other people and their treatment of their children. I have alot to face and work on if I ever get up the courage to face and deal with it head on. But I am unsure that will ever happen as there is not really anyone in my life I guess i can trust.