Today was an okay day. It was long I guess I would say. I did not get up until 10:30. Then I worked on my bedroom and got them almost finished throughout the day and did my sons room. I did another load of laundry finished washing my blankets and hung curtains in my bedroom. My house is really starting to become a home I guess. I still have to hang the 5×7 of my kids on my bedroom walls and hang the kitchen curtains. I still need to move my son’s weight bench and move the outside table and chairs back to my front porch. I worked in my garden today and gave away cherry tomatoes to two different people today. I obtained a new chair for me to sit in front of my computer and bought myself a new cell phone of eBay that I really did not need and should not have purchased but owell what is one is done. I worked in my garden some.
I plan on taking down my shower curtains tomorrow, rehanging them differently, and also adding the outside fabric ones for decoration. I folded towels and put them on the shelf in the bathroom. I still need to get my dishes done but plan on really motivating and doing them tomorrow. I also would like to try to finish building my bookshelf I started the other day. I already cut the wood to size now I just need to put it together and put the books on it. Sounds simple but yet I have yet to do it. I have to make a movie and a couple cd’s for a friend of mine and she plans on picking them up Tuesday along with picking her some tomatoes for the week. I picked the first official real tomato today, though it was small, it was not a cherry tomato it was a real red actual regular ripened tomato. It did come out of my mental health workers garden and not mine but I guess since she is away on vacation I claim rights to it. Nevertheless, I gave it away. I also picked and gave three cucumbers. I plan on digging up one of my tomato plants and a couple of my pepper plants, putting them in pots, and bring them up north on my trip for my brother so he can plant himself a small garden up north as he asked me to help him while I am up there. However, there warm weather is much shorter than ours down here and if he were to try to start from seed this late in the season, he would never be able to get production before the frost ruined his plants. Therefore, I have decided to try to bring him some plants from my garden and hope they survive the trip up there and the transplanting and change in soil chemistry and weather differences.
My nieces birthday party is next Saturday so I will get to be there for that which I have never been involved in either or my sisters 2 girls birthdays so I excited about that. I offered to get her cake as my contribution to her for her birthday. I am staying up there until my birthday which is the 17th and my son is not coming home until the end of the month so I will be coming home alone and be lonely when I get back but it will give me some time alone and will force me to work on my loneliness and face myself and the hatred I have with being alone. Found out this evening my mom will be arriving late Tuesday night and we will not be leaving until Thursday morning sometime. Then we will be detouring to New Jersey to Atlantic City to the casino, which I have no money for unless I decide not to pay the bills I planned on paying and really need to pay. I already am short on money for paying all the bills this month and cannot afford not to pay something on all my bills and so I believe I am just going to go ahead and pay $25 towards my fine at the court, $65 to the cable/internet, and the last $20 I have on the water bill which will leave me oweing $50 to the water and behind $25 on my fine but I am making an effort at least and hopefully will be able to catch up next month.
Tonight I went to the fireworks for the first time since I have not had my children and I actually enjoyed them. I really was fearful when I was invited to go as I had not done that in years because it was something I did with them and do not really do many things that I enjoyed doing with them for fear that it is betraying them if I enjoy things we did together without them. However, I was able to have fun, enjoy the fireworks, and be okay while there and when I got back. I did watch the children and look at the stars. I did miss my babies and wish they were there with me sitting there enjoying them also. However, I also hope they were under the same sky I was seeing possible the very same fireworks I was seeing and if not some other fireworks and enjoying themselves just as much as I was. I hoped the older two remembered when we went and saw them and have found memories of us being together watching them. I will say though I did not let the thoughts consume me those 15 minutes that the fireworks were showing. I allowed sometime of thought and allowed some time of joy. It was balance. It was different. It was change. I felt at peace and happy. I had a good time even though I was worried before going. It was really nice. Today was a good day all and all.