Some good came from today

So riding on the bus to my friends house I met a woman who is in the domestic violence shelter. After a long emotional day it was really nice being able to help her and offer her some support and let her know I am here if she ever just wants to talk or needs an ear to listen. I pffered her my help and my home during the day when she has to leave the shelter per shelter policies. I spoke with her regarding the struggles of leaving and feeling as if we need them and the fear of being alone and incapable of doing it slone. I spoke with her of my struggles since leaving my marriage and then getting into  relationships with other men who are just as damaging to me. They may not be exactly the same but they are similarly damaging if not more damaging to me. I spoke with her about my just leaving my most current relationship and my thoughts just today when he called and I did not answer the phone about how I should have answered and maybe I should call him as I need him. Though it is a struggle I truly do not need him and being in a relationship with men at this time in my life is more damaging to me than being alone. She spoke with me of some of her struggles and how hard it is for her being where she is starting from scratch at the age of 42 with nothing. She thanked me for my kindness and said it was nice to meet me and know that someone she met had been at the shelter she is in and has been able to make it on their own and is surviving. I told her it is hard but that I am better now than I was than and I believe that truly. I believe things only would have gotten worse with him and I may have ended up becoming one of them women who killed their abusive husbands behind bars the rest of my life if I had not gotten out because of the mental and emotionally distress I was enduring. the physical abuse had subsided but the mental grip her had on me was too much and sexually he took what he wanted when he wanted it and I no longer could handle it as I began to fade away as i did when I was a child during my child sexual abuse when I was a teenager when my mothers boyfriend who was also my fathers brother molested me regularly. It got to a point right before I got out of the relationship with my husband and got the prtective order where I had to lock myself in my bedroom at night or he would take sex even when I told him to leave me alone and to go away. so i very much after an emotional day needed to be able to feel good about being able to help someone else. it was meant to be that I misse dthe bus I intended on catching and caught the next bus and ran into this woman and was able to help her. It help me feel good for a bit. It helped me realize there are things I am good at am here for. there may be a reason I am here on earth still. i am really Glad I met her today and hope she gives me a call when she gets a chance and decides to take me up on my offer to stop by when she needs to or calls if she needs anything. I hope that I am able to and can help her in her journey of healing from her abusive relationship and finding hope and joy in life.


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