Well I went and had the echocardiogram done this morning and according to the woman who took it she could not even see nor hear the heart murmur that 3 others, 2 doctors and 1 nurse has heard. She said this could be because normal heart murmurs will not appear or sometimes cannot even be detected unless the heart is under pressure. Which she said could have been because of my elevated blood pressure and now that I am back on my blood pressure medication it seems to be undetectable. So guess that is good news except where is my tightness in my chest coming from and my feeling as if I may have a heart attack while I am sleep and when I lay down I feel like I am suficating. Where is all that coming from. Well I guess it could be anxiety as I had believed it was in the past until this mention of the heart murmur. But why am I experiencing more and more anxiety over the past 6 months?
There is less than 2 weeks until the 4 year anniversary of the loss of my parntal rights but I do not think it is from that. I think it has alot to do with issues surrounding sleeping and fear of sleeping. I think it is from my past and the things that have happened to me when I have gone to bed. At one point I could not even sleep in a bed as I was having anxiety attacks if I did. Well maybe that is where this is coming from. But it is not like I am having nightmares as often as I used to so why is the anxiety interfering in my life so much and causing me distress like it is? Is it really anxiety or is it truly a medical issue that no one is seeing or recognizing. Is it all in my head? What is wrong with me? Why is this happenign? Why could it not have been a medical issue instead of it truly being an issue in my head?