week coming to an end

Well it is friday and there are 2 more days left to my mental health support workers vacation. She gets back from the cruise today sometime and will spend a day or so with her family in florida before coming back here. She said she will call me when she gets off the boat so that I know she is okay and did not get caught in any mysteries storms but as far as I know there has not been any major storms down in the area where she was going to be though there were several tornados in massachusettes but not in the area I am from. I do not really expect for her to call even though she says she will. She is on vacation and should not even be thinking about me or any of the other clients she has. She needs time away from the stress of dealing with us all and our stress regularly on a daily basis and I am understanding of that. So I hope that she just enjoys herself and although she said she would call I do not expect her to. I think she just said it to reassure me she was going to be okay and nothing bad was going to happen.

On another note I have wanted to cut for several days and though I have not I feel as if I need to. Things have been hard this week and thought most everything is moved now I have to unpack, finish the upstairs including cleaning it all, and manage to keep it clean down here so I do not get overwelmed and not want to live here because it gets to much for me to do. Then I also have to weed the garden in the next 2 days before my worker gets back and make sure her garden is free and clear of weeds so that she comes back to a very nice deweeded garden as she left ehre with. I have not really gone out this week nor have I done anything productive all week besides moving and being overweemed and stressed. My cousin is wanting to come down for the summer and spend the summer with my son. She is 17 years old. we have managed to convince her parents and tthey said she could but not until next month which means she will be here about a month. I will then also have to make sure things are more stable than ever as she has a mouth and will tell everything that goes on here. So i will have to make sure I do not snap at my son or her and that things are on the up and up and I do not self harm or get depressed. Though it seems impossible and I am not sure I want her to come down here now but i already agreed to it so I will work it out I guess.

I am scheduled for my echocardiogram this comign Tuesday and I hope all is okay though I know I now have a heart murmur I hope that I did not cause to much damage to myself and my heart with these last 2 overdoses. i also have an appointment with my new psychiatrist Tuesday evening and hopefully i can get on something to help me with my depression and axiety lately. I know in the past I have been against medication but lately I am realizing and believing the only way for me to get anywhere further in life is to get help with lessonign my depression and anxiety so then I may be more able to cope effectively with the rest of the shit happening in my life regularly it seems. Though if I can get my anxiety and depression under control the rest of the things may fall into place.

I have alot to thi supcoming week. I need ot find out about cooling assistance and I need to change my address with social services and social security even though i just moved downstairs. I also need to apply for and find out about cooling assistance. I need to apply at the dental clinic and start the process all over again. I need to find out about ymce application again and probably reapply for that soon since I could not afford it this past time I applied and only had until june first to make the first payment but could not afford it. I also need to contact DRS and find out what is up with them and why they are under the assumption I was looking for a job but yet6 are not providing me with any help or services and find out if they can help me finish school. i need to find out if there is any help with paying the college back what I owe them so that I can finish what classes I have left. I feel like there is so much I need to do and for me to do but yet I feel as if I do nothing and am always do nothing.


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