its all good the trust is gone now…screw it I never needed anyone in these 31 years and have been able to survive and hold these secrets within me without completely breaking I can keep doing it for another 14 years. I wish people really understood what their words do to me and how much I obsess over things they say. I wish they realized what ABANDONMENT is for me and how I perceive things as being abandoned by everyone in my life up until now and now I think I am completely feeling as if I truly deserve to be abandoned and do not need ANYONE for any reason. Why try as hard as they do to get me to open my self up and trust them only for them to basically want me to shut up and keep it all inside. Why did they work through the barriers only to close them back up with 10 times more shit to work back through to get back to the point where we were a week ago. Why did they just want me to stay closed up and never to speak a word about. KEEP THE SILENCE is what they desire well I will keep it to myself and never trust another living soul for as long as I continue breathing and my heart keeps producing blood. I will never trust again. I am done with letting people in and letting them get close. I am closing myself off to all you have to say and all they desire me to talk to them about. My secrets are safe within me!!!!