how I am feeling lately

>Well lately I have had a rough patch. A bit over a month ago I tried to kill myself and overdosed on 3 bottles of pills but failed unfortunately. I then decided to change my thinking after being released from the hospital and decided suicide was not going to be an option for me no more and I was going to try and improve my life.

But I then over the past week have fucked up my life so much that I have changed my mind and desired to complete my suicide. Though I made a commitment to someone important to me to not ever do it while she was away and that is what I am awaiting as she is away until next monday. Although it is difficult and I dont understand why she would want to be around when I do it as I would think she would not have to suffer through it. But I dont know. Things may change over these next few days and I may feel ok. But I am not sure. I am feeling at peace with my decision to catch the bus.


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