a goal of mine

>Learn to let go

I need to work through my childhood secrets and put a voice to my past so others  may get help from me having a voice a never have had. it may help them gain some hope from it. This is a difficult for me and I am hoping to really be able to work through alot of this stuff and get something from it all and hopefully am able to give back some hope to others who are like myself and have secrets hidden within afriad to give a voice to them. I know that with exposure brings more pain before the peace will come and sometimnes that is scary. For me this is not the first time I have tried to work through this stuff in life and I am sure it is not the last time but I hope it will help me and I will stick with it long enough for me to gain the strength others in the world have by letting the secrets out and working through the pain that I have run from and avoided for so many years. I want to be able to give back and cannot do that until I have done the work I need to do and gotten through what I need to get through before trying to help others get through the same kinds of issues. I want to be able to be others rock when they need a rock when they feel just as I have felt over the years. I am in therapy but never really have dealt with any of it as I should have done many years ago when I had the chance. But instead I avoid and ran from it all keeping it burried and hidden inside my soal. I also am hoping to really do some work with my therapist on this stuff and since I now have what I beliee is a supportive treatmnet team and very good and workable encouraging but assertive mental health support worker. She seems to be someone I need in my life right now. Someone who will help me get things that need to get done done and not let me avoid issues I need to work on. I have alot I need to do and work on in life so I can become who I want to become and with her in my life as a support I may just become who I have desire to be. But who knows maybe she will get sick of my lack of motivation or my negativity and gve up on me just as everyone else does. But we will see. I am hoping all this will help me find some inner peace and maybe some confidence in myself and in life. Maybe I will find some joy in life and possible some inner happiness.


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