>I am angry right now. I also am sad. I feel unloved and hurt.

It begins back when I had my babies living with me. Wewll maybe it starts before that. When my second son was born my mother was there and was involved in his life. although she hated to and very rarely would babysit him for any time period. Her things was “he does not stop crying from the time you leave until the time you come back”. The same thing happened when my daughter was born. Then my husband and I seperated and he caused me alot of emotional and mental harm during his furlough in the relationship, filing false kidnapping charges and gaining an emergency custody order by means of lies. I then got back with him and had my 3 son who he was not the biological father of but was in the “father” role to him. With that child things were somewhat better but not to the extent or degree and investment from you i wanted or would have liked. Then the baby was born and the older two came hom from foster care. During their 2 year stint in foster care you did not invest much time and effort into them. When all the kids were home you visted but still would not babysit the older 2 and very rarely spent time with any of them. It really hurts me sitting here thinking about how unimportant my kids appeared to be to you at that time and still seems that that is the same way you are now.

Less then a year later I lost all 4 of them to the state and they were placed in foster care. During that 18 months before i lost them you continuously made broken promises about how you were going to come and visit and file for custody but conveniently could never get the time off work or had your own personal life to live and also raising my oldest son and dealing with his issues along with dealing with my siblings lives and chaos. I felt as if i did not matter and my kids meant nothing to you back then and somewhat feel that way now. During that time you managed to take a vacation from work to visit my sister and her kids. you also managed to go out to california to visit family and make a decision to move there and ended up moving there with my brothers and their mates and kids. Then when one of them causes problems out there you send him here to live with me knowing i already had enough of my own but out of protection for him and his newborn you send him only for him to cause me more problems and steal from me and use me. once he caused destruction here you then decide to quit your job in california because he needed you but yet claim you moved here so you could fight for my kids knowing you had not bothered with them the whole 16 monts they had been in foster care and i was fighting for them. Then you file for custody knowing the court was going to say something about you not having to anything to do with their lives for all that time and the many times you promised to coming here and file the custody for the kids. But yet you come 2 weeks before my rights are taken and really do not fight for them instead you file the papers and sit back and just let the court make theri decision and never and file an appeal for the kids. Then you move away 2 months later with no care in the world surrounding my kids. You abandon me and them.

You never say anything about loving or missin them now or over the 3 years since then. Their birthdays and holidays come around and their names are not even a word from yor mouth. Did you never really love or care about them just as you never cared or loved me.

to be continued…I am too upset and angry right now and cannot get my thoughts together enough to be able to write sensibly…

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