to who i thought was my best friend and not like everyone else in this world who has hurt me

>I guess I was wrong to allow you into my life and believe you were not like most other people and just out to hurt and decieve me. I guess i just needed a friend more than i wanted to go with my instinct and believe that you were different. i believed and trusted in you. i trusted what you said and believed that you were there in my life to give me a chance and see that i was not what you had preconceived me to be. well maybe i am the person you thought i was. maybe i am no good and never will be. maybe i tried too hard to be a good friend but was not good enough. maybe i never was good enough to be your friend and you pretended to be my friend to see how far you could bring me back down just like everyone else in my life. yes i have issues and problems but so do you and i am sorry if i do not fit into your world and in with all your people you hang with. i have tried my hardest to be there for you and help you in the best i can. i have tried to give you what i can even when that meant leaving myself without. i have tried to be that i can be for you and tried to be cared about, loved, and accepted. but i guess you only wanted me around to get what you could from me and then turn your back on me just like everyone else. I am sorry i do not fit into your lifestyle but i have accepted it and allow myself to be target by you and your friends. i have been the scapegoat for your humor and beliefs in what all you perceive my wall and image to be. i will never fit in and never have but i try to whereever i go even when that means violating my own values and allowing myself to be the scapegoat for others to use. well i can not allow myself to be brought down. i can not allow myself to be the target of your cruelty and hurt no more. this week has made me feel used. i was good enough for you to call in the morning when i was supposed to be giving you something you needed even when that meant leaving me with nothing and no where to do my laundry. but yet i have not been good enough for you to repsond to my need for an answer. i have not been good enough for you to respond to a text. i have not been good enough for anything this week and i am not sure why. i am not sure what happened and how so quickly you could turn your back on me when i have been here trying to help you. i tried the best i could to help you for christmas. when i could have bought my own son somehting more than i did. yes you told me that i did not need ot do it but i was trying to be a friend. now for some reason i am being lied to and decieved by both you and your “friend”. why i are you trying to hurt me this way. is it something i said? is it something i did? did i not do enough? have i been too much? do you just need some space? do you not want me around? why are you doing this to me. yes i realize you have alot on your plate right now but it appears to me there is an outside too faced in the middle and i am not sure what i did so wrong to her but i do not like being talked about behind my back and i do not like being lied to. you all could just say we are not really wanting your company tonight rather than lying and pretending to go to bed and say good night to eachother after you just had a conversation in front of me about how you will all be up all night and will probably go out to breakfast before you both go to sleep. so why then lie to me and decieve me. well guess what neither of you are fooling anyone or lying to anyone except yourself. i am on to your games the both of you and i know that there is some reason behind all of this. if you both want to continue to try and use me and pretend to be my friend that is your choices but remember in the end you are the ones losing. cause alls i do is try to be a good friend and help out even when it means doing and doing for others and not doing for myself. i love you as a freind and thought i could trust you but i am not sure now that you have broken my trust wehetehr i will ever be able to believe a thing you say or trust anything any more. it seems you were just out to hurt me and see what you could get from. it does not seem you were ever really trying to be honest and a friend to me. I am sorry you have made me feel this way ut i do nto think i can face you much more day after day knowing the way i am being treated and decieved. go hurt someone else.


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