>Pressured into Sex seems to be second Nature for me

>Since I was a teenager I have felt the only thing to do is just fade away while having sex since no matter whether i want it or not or whether i say not right now or no it happens anyways. so when i get into a situation sexually now i atomatically fade even when it is not unwanted sex. i am their but i am not. like i know mentally what is occuring but yet i do not feel any of it. i have been repeatedly in situations where i have not wanted to have sex but yet have had it just to get it over with. for an 8 year marriage this occured repeatedly. it started before we got married right after our son was born. he was conceived on a one noght stand with my ex-husband and he did not bother with me until after the baby was born. then when my son was 4 weeks old he pressured me into sex even though the doctor had said not to have intercourse for 6 weeks. i ended up prgnant with our daughter and then married him because of the pressure form his mother not to have another baby until we were married. well it just got worse and the last time it happened was when i ended up having to get a protective order the next morning because he had become aggressive during it and because i was adiment that i did not want it after finding out he may have molested our daughter. now divorced with 3 kids by him and our parental rights terminated i am still left with the scars of the marriage along witht he loss of our babies and my childhood and teenage abuse.


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